#161: Want Real Legal Success? Change Your Mindset

[00:01:14] Well, hello hello, everybody. This is Heather Moulder, host of the Life & Law Podcast, and I’m really excited about today’s topic. So we are going to jump right into it, because today we are talking about mindset, specifically taking on an explorer mindset.

Here’s why we’re doing this. I want to talk to you about taking risks. The thought is probably paralyzing to you, as it is with most of us lawyers. And I will say this because I used to be in your shoes, too. I used to think risk taking was the worst thing in the absolute universe. And throughout the years, both through, you know, my practice, my mentoring, and now my coaching of lawyers, I’ve realized that we lawyers really, really are risk averse. But the thing is, is you’re thinking about it all wrong, because what you’re probably seeing is primarily the risk of change. And here’s why.

Change (& How Your Brain Sees It Vs. Reality)

[00:02:11] Your brain doesn’t like change. It doesn’t like change at all. It sees change as more work, as really hard as, you know, jumping off of a cliff into the unknown, and it does not like that at all. So because you don’t like that and you don’t feel like it’s very safe, you quote unquote, play it safe and do nothing.

Your Mind’s False-Choice Thinking

[00:02:33] Here’s the problem with that thinking. First of all, that’s a false choice.

Your Mind Assumes Two Extremes

[00:02:38] You’re thinking about jumping off of a cliff versus doing nothing at all. And let me tell you, there is a lot of in between that you are ignoring.

You don’t have to jump off of a cliff. You can take small steps in a different direction. You can dip your toes in the water. There’s a lot of things you could be doing that’s not jumping off the cliff.

Your Mind Assumes No Change Is Safe (Which Isn’t True)

Also, staying static, doing nothing at all isn’t exactly safe. Right?

So I have told my story before, but I’m not sure if I’ve told it in quite this way. So a number of years ago, I was driving home. It was Christmas time. It was the end of a very, very tough year. Long year of great work, but no life. I probably could count on – not probably, I could count on one hand the number of days I had not worked that year. That includes weekends and holidays.

[00:03:32] The twinkling lights of Christmas were outside. Because this was Christmas time. I am a Christmas lover. During that time period, I am always listening to Christmas music. And it just so happens that the most wonderful time of year, that song came on. And the juxtaposition of what I was seeing and hearing versus how I felt in life just made me burst into tears.

[00:03:53] I went home. I complained to my husband for probably the millionth time that year. He had had enough, the poor soul. And so he kind of looked at me and said, “Heather, you have a choice”. Now, the story I’ve told before is I went to bed angry and I woke up the next day going, huh, he’s right. But I’m not sure I’ve told you the realization I had to be able to admit that:

Yeah, he’s right. I have a choice. I need boundaries. I need to start taking better care of myself. I can say no more often, and maybe it’s time for me to start thinking about my practice and how I want it to look and start guiding my practice in that way.

[00:04:30] What got me to that point was the realization that I had been doing nothing for years because I was afraid of change.

[00:04:40] And I was seeing change all wrong. I was seeing the impact of, well, if I change practice areas, I’ll start from scratch and know nothing. If I change law firms, I won’t have a reputation there and I’ll be starting from scratch in that way. And I don’t know anybody. And so change to me felt very scary. And so I just kept telling myself, I have no choice. I have to do this. I have to put up with it. Right?

The Impact of Doing Nothing (Can Be Severe)

[00:05:04] The problem was I was looking at it all wrong because I wasn’t seeing the risk in no change. Because the fact of the matter is staying static where you are is actually not necessarily. In fact, it often does not mean staying in the status quo because there are changes being made to you.

For me, I was changing in negative ways. I was not showing up as my best, I was not doing my best work, and I sure as heck was not showing up as my best at home. I was complaining all the time. I was not fun to be around. I wasn’t treating my partner very well. And guess what? That was impacting our relationship.

So doing nothing has a risk associated with it. There is a ripple effect to you professionally and personally, and that’s what I wasn’t seeing.

So these are the false choices that our brains like to convince us exist that aren’t really so. And when I started to think through that, and this is what also helped me to start realize it’s time to make a bigger change. It’s time for me to start taking control over the practice I want, maybe even change practice areas and or change law firms. And it’s ultimately what the impetus was for me to start looking and then choose to go on and choose a new law firm and a new practice, frankly, which is where I ended up making partner and building my practice.

What Causes Big Regrets

Because what I realized was taking zero risk, being afraid, and so risk averse leads to what if, what if I had tried? What if I had made that change? Also known, y’all, as regret.

[00:06:45] And let me tell you, as somebody who, after being diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer, realized I had been playing it too safe and had many regrets of, you don’t want that. And what’s interesting about that, the fact that I realized I had not been taking enough risks and I had too many regrets, is that was even after that previous point I told you about.

This was after I was at my new firm, after I’d made partner. Now, I will say the regrets I had were probably more personal, not so much professional, but there were regrets.

What these experiences have taught me, and also, it’s my personal experience, but also my experience through mentoring and through coaching, is risk taking is necessary to live a fulfilling life. It is required if you want to fulfill your full potential as a lawyer and a human being.

What Risk-Taking Does For You

Now, this does not mean jumping off that cliff. It’s about taking calculated risks. It’s about allowing yourself to be wrong and make mistakes, to even, yes, gasp, fail sometimes, because that is how you learn who you really are, what you really want, and how to show up as your best self. So, hopefully, I’ve at least inspired you enough, motivated you enough to go, okay, I hear what you’re talking about Heather.

[00:08:11] How do you do this? How do you start to change your mindset so that you can adopt the mindset of an explorer in this way?

How To Change Your Mindset To Be An Explorer

[00:08:20] So there are three specific mental shifts that you want to take on. Here’s how to change your mindset.

Number one, trust yourself.

This is not about needing to have all the answers or never making mistakes. This is about admitting that you will make mistakes. And sometimes you’re not going to know. And that is because, number one, it’s normal. It’s part of exploring, right?

[00:08:48] Number two, you’re smart. Look at where you are, look at all you’ve done, look at all you’ve been through. You can figure things out. And three, you have support.

[00:08:59] You can build even more support and get even more support that can help you. And let me tell you that third piece, the support piece is key because you do not have to do everything on your own and frankly, you can’t.

[00:09:13] This is something we lawyers really struggle with. But I’m here to tell you that admitting that not only can you not do everything on your own, but you really don’t want to is liberating.

[00:09:27] Yes, liberating.

Here’s the deal, and I’ve said this before, and I’m going to say this numerous times again, we human beings are here on earth to connect with other human beings. It’s part of that belonging that we need. And part of that belonging is built by helping one another.

You are here to serve others as a lawyer, as a friend, maybe as a partner or spouse, as a parent, whatever, in many capacities. But other people are here to serve others, too, and that means serving you, okay? It is a two way street.

That connection, that belonging is built not just by helping others, but accepting help from others. So you need support from mentors, from peers, from colleagues, and maybe even from coaches.

[00:10:14] Somebody like me doesn’t have to be me, by the way. There are lots of experts out there who can help you get the support you need, get the knowledge you need, get the skills you need.

Surround yourself, have a good support network, have people in your back pocket that you pull from and pull from often. This is key to trusting yourself. Because you know what these people do for you when you have a good support system like this? They can act as a mirror to shine a light on the strengths that you have and the good things about you that you don’t even realize.

[00:10:50] Now let me be clear. This first shift, this trust yourself, requires you to be super honest with yourself, okay?

[00:11:00] Be honest about mistakes, be honest about when you don’t know, be honest about needing to get help. And it, when it comes to mistakes, I want you to shift your mentality a little bit. And the next two things I’m going to tell you is going to help you with this. Okay?

[00:11:20] But start with where did I make a mistake and what did I learn? And focus on the what did I learn? And then take that next step and ask, okay, what can I do with that moving forward?

[00:11:32] These are necessary lessons. This is how we learn.

[00:11:36] All right, so that’s mindset shift number one to change your mindset into that of an explorer.

Number two, accept risk.

Mindset shift number two to change your mindset into that of an explorer is:

Accept that risk is just a part of it. It’s part of work, it’s part of life. And frankly, you are taking risks regardless of what you do.

Remember, both sides of the coin are a risk. Both extremes are a risk. The middle is a risk. There’s risk everywhere. And it’s okay. Accepting that this just is allows you to be more intentional, to look at the pros and cons of all sides of that coin, and to take more intentional, calculated risks that you’re good with.

[00:12:22] This type of proactivity is really empowering.

[00:12:26] And remember, you do not have to take huge leaps. You can take small steps one at a time. They add up.

[00:12:33] Your brain is going to try to convince you that you are supposed to do more. Otherwise you’re not doing enough and beat up on you. No, you don’t.

Challenge that. Get your facts straight, tell it that’s not true, and then just take that next action and keep going.

This, by the way, is how you build confidence. Confidence is not something that just happens. It’s not something people are born with. You build it yourself by taking action, even when you don’t know, even when you’re uncertain, even when you know you’re going to make some mistakes. Even when you know you could fail, which is where that support piece comes into play, y’all. That helps you move forward. It helps shine that light. Remind yourself of your strengths and what you’re doing well and right.

[00:13:18] All right, let’s move on to number three.

Third, be curious.

The third mindset shift to change your mindset to be that of an explorer? Be curious.

[00:13:29] Curiosity is already intuitive within you. You had this once. You still have it there. Remember, every child, forever and ever, is always asked, why? Why? Why forever? Tap back into that. It’s like it’s beaten out of us because we ask it so often as kids. And people get tired of answering the questions.

It’s time to foster your curiosity again, and I want you to do this in a very specific way.

[00:13:54] What could happen? Ask good questions.

Well, what could happen beneficially? What might work? Okay, even if that bad thing or mistake happened, how might I learn from that? How could I use that to my benefit? Start asking those type of questions.

[00:14:13] This will help motivate you to do anyway. This will help you to see the proactive benefits of going forward and taking calculated risks.

[00:14:24] Final note, if you are a senior attorney, of counsel, or a young partner trying to grow a law practice, one that is built in a way that supports the life you want, this explorer mindset is going to help you do just that.

Because to grow your practice, you’re going to need to go out on a limb and try new things, especially if you’re growing the practice you want. To support the life you want, you’re going to need to get a bit uncomfortable. You’re going to need to be willing to make some mistakes and see what does or does not work.

This mindset is key to success as a private practice lawyer. Success meaning not just success on paper, but success in a way that’s fulfilling and makes you happy. And I would say it is what differentiates true rainmakers from those who are not.

If this speaks to you at all, then I invite you to join the waitlist for my business mastermind, ELEVATE.

ELEVATE will give you the expert guidance, peer support, and structured accountability you need to change your habits and build the book you truly want. Doors open to the mastermind for a very limited time this fall, and getting on the waitlist gives you priority access plus some amazing bonuses.

The waitlist is only going to be open for about the next month and then it’s going to close. So if this is of any interest to you, I invite you to check it out and join now. I will put a link to elevate in the show notes.

That’s it for today. Bye for now.