#174: Feel Trapped By Legal Success?

[00:00:59] “I feel like I’m missing out on my family’s life. My kids are growing up and I barely know them.”

“If I quit now, everything I’ve worked for, all the years I’ve put in will have been for nothing. Yet all I keep thinking about is quitting. Like now.”

“I see other lawyers who seem to have it all together, and I feel like I’m falling apart behind the scenes.”

Any of that sound like you? I’ve heard those exact things from numerous attorneys throughout my legal career, and now, of course, as a coach to lawyers. So I’m here to tell you, if you find yourself thinking this way at all, you’re not alone.

And there’s better news than that: You can change.

Yes, you can change.

Today we are going to go into my five step plan for what to start doing to get out of this place so that you can start creating, building the legal practice you actually want. Which basically means it’s successful in your mind. That is: you make enough money, you still have respect from others, yet you also enjoy your practice because it is designed in a way that is built around the whole life you want to live.

Not just making great money, but feeling fulfilled, having time for hobbies, having time for loved ones, your kids, your spouse, whomever that is. And having time for you and not feeling guilty about it.

Today we’re going to go into what I want you to do if you are in that place, to get out and then how to keep going. So I’m just going get right into it because today’s, although I don’t actually think it’s going to take that long to go over these five things, it’s kind of meaty in the sense that these really are things that matter.

And some of these are going to be more practical, kind of tactical, easy. And some of them are going to be a little bit more like, you know, I wouldn’t say woo because I’m not a woo girl, but they might sound a little woo to you if you haven’t done these things.

So hopefully I can give you some pointers on what I mean and how to get going.

#1: Block Off Daily Quiet Time For Your Mind

So step number one, I want you to block time off every single day just for you. And this is quiet time. Now, what I mean by quiet time is no phones, no electronics, no music, no nothing. Bonus points if you get yourself outdoors and listen to nature a little bit during this time.

And yes, every single day. Now, let me just tell you, it doesn’t have to be a ton of time daily, but at least ten to 15 minutes. Trying to get at least 30 minutes as the norm.

Yet when you’re super busy, like in the middle of a trial or a closing, give yourself ten to 15 minutes and yeah, everybody can find this time. I challenge you to create this time for yourself.

Now, why? And why so quiet? Why no tech, not even music.

Your brain needs space.

Space.

This is going to help some of those thoughts that are stuck inside and feel like they’re always spinning and jumbled and chaotic and you can’t quite parse through them. It’s going to help get that out.

It’s going to help you become more self aware. Self aware of habitual things that you’re thinking about, habituated ways of doing that might be getting in your way, that might be hurting you, hindering you, making things harder for yourself. Beliefs that you want to start working on undoing.

Some of that mindset work I always talk about, right? Some of those mindset blocks that are keeping you stuck, paralyzed.

I have found that once people give themselves some free space to let some of these thoughts flow, the next step is after that self awareness is they start to be able to see. Well, wait a second, maybe that’s not always true. They get to that stage of challenging, right?

Which then once you get to that stage, takes you to the land of opportunity, because it is impossible to see all the opportunities that are out there – all the other ways of doing things, of being, of showing up – when you are stuck in that chaotic world. When you don’t even have time to think.

You just go into this kind of… It’s like when you get in the car to go somewhere you’ve been driving almost daily, and the next thing you know you’re there and you don’t even remember how you got there. You don’t remember the specifics. Kind of scary, right? But we habituate ourselves to that drive.

Well, guess what? We habituate ourselves to a way of thinking, a way of doing, a way of being that we’re just doing by, you know, rote daily. In and out, in and out, in and out.

That is part of what makes us paralyzed and feel so stuck. We feel like we have no choice because we’re just stuck in that same place again and again. Like Groundhog Day, if you’ve ever seen that movie, right?

It’s the same thing over and over.

Giving yourself this free space is a necessity for allowing yourself that self awareness to then challenge, to then open up new opportunities.

And it will help you with every single one of the next steps. The remainder of these five steps, the next four.

Okay, so, number one, your starting point is to block off quiet time every single day. Ten to 15 minutes minimum. Try to get at least 30 minutes in as a routine, as a habit.

Capture Your Thoughts

Let your mind roam. Maybe have a journal with you. Collect your thoughts. Become more self aware. Make that just the goal. Self awareness. Awareness is it. You’ll slowly start to see some patterns. You’ll slowly start to understand yourself better.

That’s when you start to go into the challenging and those next steps. But you can’t do that without that time. So that’s step number one.

#2: Align to your values.

Now, I’ve talked about values before, but I want you to get really, really clear around what are my values and where am I not aligned to them.

When I say aligned, I’m talking everything.

Have Values-Based Goals

So, from the goals that you set, make sure they’re values based, not just ego based. You know, your ego can be involved a little bit, but make sure you really are behind your goals.

So one of the best ways to do this, and I know I’ve covered this before, but it’s been a while, so you need to hear it again. And I know I have new listeners since I covered this a couple of years ago, but it’s called the five why technique.

When you set a goal, you want to ask, okay, why? What’s important about this goal? And answer it. And then you say, okay, look at that answer and say, okay, why? Why do I want that? What’s important about that? And answer it. And you do that up to five times. At least three. Up to five.

To get really specific, this helps you hone in on pure ego based goals that might not be all that fulfilling versus more values based goals, goals that have more substance, goals that give you more motivation, goals that, when achieved, will bring more fulfillment, as opposed to, okay, great, I achieved a goal. I feel great for a few days.

Values-Aligned Work

Now, what the other thing is, you want to align to your values within every aspect of the work that you do.

And what do I mean by that? The industry that you’ve chosen.

[00:09:01] I had a client who came to me saying, you know, I do healthcare law. I got into healthcare law because, and there was this very specific reason she got into healthcare law, and there was real purpose and passion behind it.

But over time, a certain type of work started coming into her firm that she started doing because that’s what was there. And so that’s what she did. And she had found herself not excited by it, not motivated by it, surrounded by a bunch of people in the healthcare space who were getting into it purely for monetary reasons, not because they cared about people, and realizing she didn’t really like most of her clients as a result.

So from an industry perspective, from a client specific client perspective, do they align to your values? That’s what I’m talking about here.

From a firm perspective, the people you work with on a day to day basis, the culture within that firm, the team you’ve even put together, be very intentional about ensuring that they align to your values.

Values-Alignment to People

Now, what does that mean? That does not mean all of their values have to be the same as yours. And in fact, most, if not all of their values might be very different from yours.

But what it does mean is that their values aren’t so different in a way where they contrast and clash with yours.

They still align with yours, and they respect you and respect you enough to respect your values. That’s what I’m talking about.

What this does for you, by the way, is it starts to give you more permission to say no when you want and need to, because you are much more strategic about where your industry is, the firm you’re in, the people you surround yourself by, the clients you want to have. And you have a very clear sense of the why behind it all. So you know why you want to say no to certain things and yes to others.

This brings in more intentionality. This is that missing piece that gives lawyers more permission to have real boundaries, to say no more often, and also to say yes to the things that really, truly excite you. Because, guess what?

Because you’ve said no to those other things, you have the time for it. You have the ability. This brings more intentionality into your daily life, into your daily work.

Okay, so that’s step two, align everything to your values.

#3: Input-Based Success Measurement

Step number three, start measuring input over output.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but it is so important when it comes to creating and building the life you actually want.

What do I mean by this?

So we all have goals, and those goals have external things that we are trying to achieve, right? So maybe building a book of business to a million plus is your first goal that you’re trying to get to or bringing an x number of new clients, right? Those are external goals.

The problem with those is that we don’t actually have full control over how, when, or really if we ever achieve them. Now, I will say that if a goal is not unreasonable, typically speaking, you can achieve it, just maybe not within the original timeframe you thought.

A lot of times we underestimate how long it takes us to get to some of these things. If you put in the work, if you set up the right goals, if you are reasonable, and you will go about setting the goals in a values based way, you’re more likely to then stay consistent. And consistency over time tends to help you to achieve those reasonable goals. Right?

So I’m not saying you don’t have goals. I’m not saying there’s no output that you never look at or measure. But what you really need to be paying attention to is measuring the input more so than the output. Because here’s the thing, y’all, the output will come so long as the input is there.

And what do I mean by input?

It’s what actions are you actually taking? How are you going to ensure that you actually do the things that you know you want and need to be doing to ensure you are consistent, to ensure you can do everything you can to achieve the goals you want? It’s about the input.

This has come up in a big way in my household of late with my son Noah. He has just entered 9th grade. He is realizing that he can no longer kind of do incredibly well. He can kind of just get by with low b’s and c’s by just showing up and kind of skimming.

But he can’t get the a’s he’s used to getting. He’s actually got to put in better input. He’s got to read more carefully. He’s got to take notes. He’s got to review the notes for some of this stuff. He took Mandarin for some crazy reason, which is very hard. My oldest son did the same thing. He’s gotta start creating more flashcards for the characters because they are hard, y’all.

He’s gotta put in more time to get the output, the grade that he ultimately wants. So instead of worrying about his grade, which is what he was worried over, and not getting quite the results he wanted, we’ve started focusing more. What’s your input? Let’s measure input.

Because as you put in better, you put in more time, you put in more effort. You do it the right way, right. The way that we know, having studied study habits on how to read properly, how to take notes properly, good study habits, checking in, not cramming, but spreading it out over time, those kinds of things. That’s the input.

Guess what? He started to do that. Grades are getting way better. He’s getting a pluses on things.

That’s what I’m talking about. Pay attention to the input. Measure that and the results you want will ultimately happen.

But they’ll also happen in a way where you’re going to enjoy yourself more along the journey. You’re going to be more fulfilled with where you’re going. This input over output is also how to ensure you’re truly aligning to your values. Because guess what? Your values are a big part of that input piece.

Measure input over output.

So that’s step three.

#4: Prioritize Connection

It’s time to prioritize connection.

This is something that has always been kind of an issue for lawyers, because we lawyers, we kind of tend to go solo. We like to prove ourselves. We like to prove that we can do it all on our own. We sometimes like to think that we’re the only ones that can do something the way we like it, right?

And so we tend to self isolate to some extent. And it’s gotten even worse since the pandemic and now that more and more people are going remote. But the thing is, is connection and belonging. That’s a basic human need that pretty much every human being needs, even introverted people. We need to feel connected. We need to feel like we belong. And we need to do this not just when it comes to our family and friends.

Yes, you need connection time with them. And many of us are focused on that. It’s starting to get more of that, which is great. But also you need to feel connected with those you work with. You need to feel like you belong in a group, right? You need to feel connected to and like you belong within your local community.

So this is, again, where your values come into play and why they are so important, because it’s a lot harder to feel truly connected to people who don’t align to them.

Prioritize connection. It should be one of your top priorities because y’all, it’s also an item of self care.

Connection is one of those things that when I start working with people who really feel burnt out, they often, this is one area where they really severely lack. They don’t feel connected enough and like they belong somewhere within their lives.

Sometimes if they’re really in that stage of massive, like they’re in burnout or right on that edge, it’s because they don’t feel connected to anybody anymore. Because work is taking over everything. Other times it’s really in the realm of their work life. They don’t feel like they belong at work. Maybe they’re in the wrong cultural fit firm. Maybe they haven’t prioritized connection and they don’t even know.

Prioritize connection.

#5: Have Good Systems

Final thing, step five, emphasize systems over your to do list.

I have talked about systems a lot in the last year, and that’s because systems, they make things easier. Systems can be put into place for consistency of thinking and approach.

For consistency of doing. They enable you to delegate more and get back quality work product. You can have systems just for you. You can have systems that involve other people. If you are wondering, well, where do I get started? How I want you to go back? I have two episodes on systemization.

One about how to kind of think through implementing and how to get started, and one about the five areas that I would recommend you get started in when you’re in private practice.

I will put both of those in the show notes, by the way. Go listen to them. Good systems, though, please note, are flexible. They are a starting point and not an end all, be all. Okay? So you want to approach them that way. Otherwise you’re going to make it so overly like, inflexible and structured that they’re actually going to make your life harder and they’re become over complicated. You want them to make your life easier.

Systems are what allow you to hand off more to other people.

They are a support structure for you to be able to get more done within your law practice without you having to be the one doing it all. And so that you can let go of stuff that maybe you’re not as strong as, maybe you don’t need to be doing.

You don’t want to be doing right work that’s not at the appropriate level for you anymore. So that you can do the work you really want and need to be doing the work that’s at the appropriate level, the work that best leverages your strengths also, so that you can do new, challenging work. Because if you do not have good systems in place, you’re not able to give off enough to delegate enough to let go of enough.

That means you’re also more likely to do less interesting, challenging work. And let me tell you, I mean, it may sound like systems is such a simple thing.

Heather, why is this part of this? Everything else seems, no, this is a big deal. Because one of the things I hear a lot from attorneys who’ve been practicing a while is how quote unquote, bored they’ve gotten. I guarantee you, those people who are bored of are not letting go of enough, not letting others step up and learn and do more.

Because if they were, it would open up more time and space for them to go out and try new things, pivot into a new area, do more challenging, interesting work. There are ways to do that.

This is why systems are so important.

Okay, so to sum up really quickly, if you are feeling trapped by your own legal success, thinking, oh my gosh, why did I ever want this? I’m getting bored. I’m too crazy busy. I’m paralyzed by whatever it is. There’s a lot of ways this shows up.

Number one, block off quiet time every single day. Give yourself that space to start thinking more freely, to open up new opportunities. Number two, make sure your entire career and life are aligned to your values. Number three, measure input over output. Number four, prioritize connection so that you feel like you really do belong in every area of your life, to your community, to your industry, to your law firm, within your family. And finally, emphasize systems over your to do lists.

We tend to over focus on checking the box of our to do list. I want you to start thinking about where can you implement your systems? How can it free you up for more time to do the things you truly enjoy? How can you invigorate your own career by letting go of a bunch of stuff and getting out there and finding new things to do that are interesting and challenging and actually fun.

All right, that is it for this week. We will be back next week with a new episode with a guest. Bye for now.