#233: Life Isn’t Meant To Be Easy (Mindset Shift You Need)

[00:00:59] Hello everybody. Welcome to Life and Law. This is your host, Heather Moulder. And today is a short but sweet episode. Or maybe not so sweet, I don’t know. It’s something that’s been bothering me for a little while about our society, about the coaching industry, and the promises that are made.

You know, you may or may not see a lot of coaches, but they often talk about making things:

• Making something seamless,
• With ease,
• Making things seem simple and easy.

And yes, I’m all about simplicity when we can have simplicity. And in fact, I think simple is the best way. But that doesn’t always mean easy. And in fact, there are lots of things that are hard yet very worthwhile.

Mindset Shift Around “Hard”

[00:01:43] I do not believe that we should always be striving to make things so easy or to have things feel so easy.

I believe that hard can be really, really good and actually quite enjoyable. And I’m here today to make the argument for that: letting go of always trying to find the easy, of allowing things to be hard. Being okay, accepting it, and really shifting your mindset in a way that makes the messiness of life more enjoyable.

And who wouldn’t want that, right?

Why The Human Brain Wants Ease

[00:02:21] So let’s just get into why we’re so drawn to ease.

Our brains are wired for efficiency, for simplicity, for as little effort as humanly possible. Your brain is always on the lookout to make things the least effort possible. It doesn’t want to expend too much energy, and you add on to that modern messaging:

• Optimize everything,
• Eliminate friction,
• Design a life that flows.

Now, the problem isn’t wanting ease. That’s okay to want some, right? We don’t want everything to be hard. We don’t want there always to be friction. That’s not what I’m getting at.

When Ease Backfires

[00:03:02] The problem is when we treat ease as proof of correctness, as the measure of a good life. Because that’s not reality, y’. All. And I think it causes a lot of mental friction when we try to pretend otherwise.

Most of life, in all honesty, exists in the middle. I like to call it the messy middle.

Living Inside of the Messy Middle (Willingly)

It’s meaningful when you have effort. It’s more satisfying when you’ve put hard work into something. Inconvenience can teach you something. Demands and things being demanding can actually give more purpose and fulfillment.

So difficult does not mean you’re misaligned, that you need to start over, or that you chose the wrong thing.

[00:04:00] And ease, frankly, on the other side of it, doesn’t necessarily mean that you figured things out, you’ll stay fulfilled, and that you’re wise. In fact, I would argue that people who always strive for ease are some of the ones who are looking for more meaning and purpose the most. And this is where I think it gets dangerous for us.

When the Desire For Easy Gets Dangerous (for You)

[00:04:18] When ease is the goal, we avoid complexity. We resist responsibility, and we frankly oversimplify complex situations.

Human beings are complex and complicated. There is nuance in this world. Everything can’t be easy and simple. And when we do that, we lose tolerance for discomfort. We lose confidence in our ability to handle life, pressure, and difficulties.

[00:04:51] We become less resilient, not more. And it shows up in chronic dissatisfaction, restlessness, fatigue, overwhelm, a sense that something is always wrong.

The Relationship Between the Desire For Easy & Ignoring Real Trade-Offs

I’ve talked about this a lot before. Trade-offs in life are unavoidable. Life is nothing but a set of trade-offs. And I do believe that part of this ease wants to avoid the trade-offs.

But here’s the deal.

[00:05:18] When you’re trying to avoid the trade-off, you’re not actually avoiding it. It’s just that the decision is being made for you, either situationally or by others.

You’re not proactively considering the trade-offs and actually making the best one for you. Instead, let go of trying to make things easy. Be okay with the messy middle, be all right with the hard in life, and choose your hard.

Hard Brings Purpose

[00:05:43] Knowing that when we’re going through the messy middle, we’re going through the difficulties, it’s building character. It develops judgment. It creates self-respect. It’s part of how you build confidence, y’all. Pride comes from it. Purpose can come from these types of experiences. Making thoughtful choices in imperfect conditions.

Meaningful lives are not seamless. They have texture, they have complexity.

[00:06:13] So my message for you is really about a mindset shift. Because if life feels complicated, it doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re engaged in reality. If things feel hard, it doesn’t mean that you necessarily made a bad choice. It might mean that you’re doing something that actually matters. It likely means, regardless of how you got there, it’s a learning opportunity, it’s a chance for growth.

Discomfort is not to be avoided. It’s a sign you’re alive.

Why This Mindset Shift For Lawyers, Specifically?

[00:06:50] Why should this matter? Why am I even talking about this? This doesn’t seem like a very lawyerly thing. I don’t see this in my clients because my clients aren’t like this.

But I do see this in everyday life, in society. And I’m starting to see the trickling of this within the legal field itself and within more and more lawyers. Especially young lawyers who have been told a lot of their lives, if not all, that things should be easier.

They should always be able to achieve the things they want, and we give ourselves this false sense of security that doesn’t exist. So that, when life falls apart and things don’t go as planned, it’s hard to handle.

[00:07:33] This makes for a very unresilient not just individual, but society.

I guess my main takeaway for today is let go of the need to be easy and instead embrace whatever may come. Be willing to engage, reframe it. You know, reframing is a big deal for me. Into opportunity, into learning, into growth that creates a mindset shift so that you’re not in the….

• “Ugh, how could this be happening?”
• “Why is this happening again?”
• “If only life could be easier.”
• “If only things could be less chaotic and less messy.”

[00:08:14] It doesn’t mean you have to enjoy every moment. We’re not supposed to, but it helps make life as a whole a whole lot more enjoyable. All right, that is it for this week. We will be back next week with something a little more lawyer focused. Bye for now.