Episode #196: How To Network With Friends For Business (Naturally, Without Feeling Pushy)

It feels like I’m taking advantage of them. All I can think is awkward and just plain salesy. That is what a client recently said to me when we were talking about how to network with friends for business.

Hey there. This is Heather Moulder, host of the Life & Law Podcast. And this client is not alone. This is something that comes up a lot with clients that I work with who are trying to grow their book of business.

Because as you know, networking truly is king when it comes to business development. It is the best way to bring in business. The easiest and fastest way to bring in business, and frankly, the fastest way to network and bring in business is through networking with friends. Friends that you’ve known for much of your life, maybe even almost all of your life. Friends who you met through college or law school.

So what about you? Do you also sometimes or often feel this way? If the answer is yes, hopefully I’ve already convinced you that no, you are not alone. It is a common problem. And today we are going to talk about how to network with friends for business without feeling pushy, salesy, or even a little bit awkward. And in fact, how to network with friends for business in a way that feels natural, authentic to who you are with those people already and is super effective as well. So this is a very simple three-part framework that we are just gonna dive right into.

#1: Shift Your Mindset Around Networking

Number one, this is not gonna surprise anybody if you have been listening to this podcast for any time at all, it’s about your mindset.

So what do I mean? Here I am talking about understanding what it is you’re actually doing as opposed to what you’re probably thinking about this, which is “I’m selling to them and I’m trying to convince and it just feels off and awkward, like I’m taking advantage of my friends.” No! That means that your mindset around sales and frankly networking to begin with is probably off.

You are not networking to take advantage of anyone. Selling in and of itself is not sleazy.

Here’s the deal. You provide a valuable service. You are needed, you are necessary, and frankly, you know this.

Which means there is absolutely nothing wrong with networking or even selling, even to people you already know – and know well and have personal relationships with.

So it’s time to apply that mindset of understanding what sales and networking is really about to networking with friends for business purposes. And by the way, all of this applies also to family members. Just because you’ve known them longer does not make it a bad thing.

Think about what I said just there.

Just because you’ve known them longer, you know them better, does not make networking for business or selling to them a bad thing.

So something to help you make this mental shift that I’m talking about when it comes to networking with friends for business and even family members is this.

You’re a whole person. This includes your job and your career. This includes your law practice, this includes your values, your goals and so on, both professionally and personally. It includes what you do for a living. It is a part of who you are. Now let me be clear. What you do for a living is not who you are, but it is a piece of the puzzle.

The same goes for your friends.

They do what they do for a reason. There’s probably some bigger purpose or passion behind it, too. And even if not, it’s an important piece to their lives, just like you.

So that makes it pretty normal to be curious about their job, to be curious about the issues that they face, to be curious about the things that impact their day to day work, to be curious about their overarching business goals within their role at work, to be curious about that business’s vision, mission, etc.

And that’s really what networking with friends is about, is getting into that. Because that’s what effective networking is. When we are networking with friends for business, really with anybody for business, as a business development activity, your role is to get to know what is their vision for the business, what are their goals for the business, what are they struggling with, what do they worry about in ways that impact the business so that you can get really good understanding of that and how your role would apply in those situations. That’s the way to get in. And it’s also the thing that’s most important. You need to understand these things. And there is nothing wrong with asking questions about these types of things when it comes to friends.

So start asking more questions. Be more curious about how their business is doing, about their hopes, about their struggles, about their goals, about the impact on them.

This is going to help you. Thinking of them in this way as a whole person with two sides, help you shift into asking the right questions. That then leads to a deeper conversation around how you might be able to help if something comes up that makes sense. Sense.

They are a whole person.

It includes their professional side.

Don’t keep things just in that friend personal zone. This is something that I especially find to be a problem for a lot of female attorneys.

Men do sometimes struggle with this, but more females than men seem to get behind that. They’re a whole person.

You probably haven’t been talking about these types of things. You’ve probably been keeping it personal in that friend zone. But their business, their work that impacts the personal.

And also remember, networking isn’t just about making a sale. In fact, it’s not even about making a sale.

It’s about being a human being, curious, showing up curious, being helpful.

Which, by the way, asking, you know, making the ask is really just about, well, how can I help?

That is the mindset shift you need. So start there.

Now I’m going to have two more tips for you. And let me just say before I move on to them, do not wait until your mindset shifts to do these other things. They all kind of go hand in hand. The next two tips will help with that mindset shift, will help you be more curious, will help you to ask good questions. All of that will help with the mindset shift that you’re trying to make.

#2: Be Curious, Ask Good Questions

Okay, so number two is have some good questions right ready. Questions that have to do with your friends, professional lives, their business goals, the risks that they see within a market. Maybe there are some big things going on in the market or in their industry. Start asking about those. Ask about their thoughts on the future impact of an important piece of regulation or a case that impacts their business.

So obviously I’m not talking about small talk questions here. These are questions aimed to get you out of the friend zone and into the professional space that are real, that are meaty, that will lead to real conversations.

And by the way, these are really good tips for any networking event. Not just networking with friends for business, but any networking event you go into. You want the right mindset around networking and selling. You want to come in with good questions ready based on the networking event that you’re attending and who should be there.

You want your questions to be designed to go deeper so that you can learn more about their business goals, their business struggles, their interests within the business realm, their vision, the risks that they’re facing, the deals that they have coming up, and to just get them talking and be curious about it doesn’t mean you even have to make the ask yet, but it starts the conversation and it leads to a good intel that you can utilize and leverage for future conversations. And then that’s how you get an opening to make the ask later on.

#3: Share Your Business Goals + Dreams

Tip number three, it’s time to start sharing with your personal connections with these people that you know so well, your own business goals, vision and struggles.

So when you set a growth goal for your business, talk about it.

Hey, I had this new goal to grow my business by 25% this year. It’s really audacious. It makes me a little bit nervous. Here’s why. You don’t have to ask them for anything. Go to them about the professional goals that you have. Talk with them about those. You would be really surprised, I think, by how many people will go deep with you, brainstorm with you, help you out, and then follow up with, you know, I think we might actually be in the market to hire another counsel. Is that something we could talk about? Just talking about these things and letting them know and letting them in on that realm of you Again, you are a whole person. It includes your professional life. Start talking about your professional life and your professional goals for your own book of business with your friends, because it leads to a very natural opening for them to suggest maybe how they could work with you or for them to give referrals of people they know who you could help.

I find a lot of. Again, women attorneys tend to get nervous about saying this as though that’s a hidden way of asking for business. No, it’s not. Do not hold back and worry that they may not like it that you mentioned. You’re trying to grow your book of business. Your friends are your friends. They want to help you. They want to know about all the things that you’re worried about. They want to be able to brainstorm with you. And if they can help, they’re going to help. This is a very natural way to start bringing in to your conversation, the business side. So start doing it.

All right. Doing these three things are going to do three things. They’re going to help you get behind making the ask and networking for business much easier with your friends, with family and also strangers. They’re going to help deepen your relationships with your friends so you’re going to get a benefit. Not just that will help potentially grow your book of business, but will give you a better relationship with these people.

And they’re going to it’s going to also help make speaking about your business, your business goals, your professional goals, and then also speaking about other people’s businesses a lot more natural, a lot more organic. You’re going to get really good at this and I’m telling you, you will be shocked at how well this can work for you or really will work. Because I’m telling you, if they’re in the right business and they are a good, perfect client for you or someone in your firm, doing these things eventually will lead to some form of business.

That is it for this week. Before I let you go, if you are an attorney who is tired of putting in more time, more energy, more of you only to feel less in control and less yourself, and would like some weekly guidance on how to grow a profitable values based law practice on your terms, then be sure to check out Success Without Sacrifice. That is my weekly newsletter where I basically give you my best anti hustle strategies every single week on how to do just that. I will put a link in the show notes. Also bonus. You get immediate access to all of my best growth resources.

That’s it for today. Bye for now.