Episode #199: The Psychology of Sales: What Lawyers Need To Know

Hello. Hello everybody. This is Heather Moulder, host of the Life & Law Podcast. And today, we are talking about the psychology behind why people say yes. What lawyers need to know about sales and sales psychology.

Reframing Selling & Marketing

[00:01:45] So let’s kind of step back for a moment really quickly and revisit this whole aspect of selling, of marketing, of making the ask. I find time and again that a lot of lawyers feel like… “I shouldn’t have to sell. I feel so awkward when I sell. It feels a hundred percent inauthentic.”

And I’ve talked about this before. I will link to a couple of prior episodes in case you haven’t heard of this. But it’s time to reframe sales. Okay?

Selling isn’t about convincing. It’s not about persuading. It’s just about making a connection. And that’s really the purpose for marketing, is making that initial connection, growing that connection over time. Same thing with networking, making the connection, growing the relationship over time so that you can get to a point where you can make the ask.

And when it comes to making the ask, it’s not about manipulation. We often think of selling as that used car salesman, right, where they’re manipulating you. But that’s bad sales. And in and of itself, that’s not necessarily what selling is.

Selling is really just the exchange of money for goods or services. That’s what a sale is, and there’s nothing wrong with it.

And so when we talk about selling, we’re talking about selling in an ethical way, we’re talking about selling in a moral way. We’re talking about selling as a service, coming in and saying, hey, I can help you. How about we talk about how? That’s it. It’s that simple. So, ethical sales is really about aligning solutions with actual needs.

Why You Must Understand the Psychology of Sales & Selling (To Market & Sell Effectively)

[00:03:26] And this is where trust comes into play, which is why we’re getting into sales psychology today.

Because sales psychology is really about understanding the why behind how people decide who to hire and who not to hire. Why do people say why do clients say yes to you? Why do some say yes to other people and not others? Especially when the services are often incredibly similar or practically the same, at least in the minds of the client. And let me tell you, it is not just about price. We often blame it on price. And yes, that is a factor sometimes, but it’s not just about price.

We Buy Based Off of Emotions & Feelings

[00:04:11] We humans like to believe that we are making these big decisions, like who to hire for a big deal or case in a purely rational manner. And unfortunately, that just isn’t how the brain works. Humans are not purely rational. Psychology influences every single decision you make and every decision a client or prospect makes as well. The truth about how we make these decisions is often this.

We have emotions, emotions based on our beliefs about, based on how other people make us feel.

They come first and they flavor how we perceive others and the world around us and how things work.

Now, we start there with the emotional piece. Then when we’re trying to make a decision, we narrow down and create preferences based on those emotions initially.

And once we’ve started to narrow down and we have created preferences based on those emotions, those feelings, those beliefs, then we come in and we back up with facts, data, and sound reasoning. So it starts with feelings and emotions. How does somebody make us feel? What do we feel about them? What do we feel about the situation?

How Know-Like-Trust Comes Into Play (From A Sales Psychology Standpoint)

[00:05:31] This is why know like trust is so important and why I’ve talked about this before, because know, like trust is primarily about the emotional, not the rational. Now, yes, the credibility piece does speak to whether you know your stuff, and that is very rational. But know and like, and even some of that trust is very, very emotional. That’s where the psychology comes into play.

And honestly, at the end of the day, if all things seem equal, people are much more likely to go with their gut, their emotions, which is where the know, like trust really comes into play. And that’s the emotional piece.

What Sales Psychology Really Is: Meeting People Where They Are

So sales psychology is really about gaining a deeper understanding about why people pick you and what that really gets into is their desires, their fears, their motivations. And the purpose of understanding sales psychology and the psychological principles that we’re going to go into today is to connect with prospects and clients on a deeper level so that you can build genuine relationships. Because let me just tell you, connection is about the emotional stuff more than anything, not the rational stuff. You lead with the emotions and back it up with data, remember?

[00:06:51] So let me just get this real clear. This is not an unethical thing that we’re talking about understanding.

Sales psychology is really just about understanding people better, understanding the why behind why they make decisions the way they do so that you can utilize that knowledge to your benefit in your marketing, in what you write on LinkedIn, in your networking, and how you speak to people in what you put into your presentations when speaking. That’s what we are talking about here. It is not salesy. It is not smarmy. There is nothing wrong with it.

Because guess what? We are not talking about trying to convince somebody of something they don’t want or trying to get someone to do something they wouldn’t want to do. Instead, we’re really talking about learning how to better connect with clients and prospects to build a stronger relationship with them. And in order to do that, you need to understand how the brain works.

Psychology of Sales: 3 Psychological Principles All Lawyers Should Know

Okay, so now that we’ve gotten into why you need to understand sales psychology, let’s get into the three psychological principles that you can start utilizing in your marketing, your networking, and your selling. That will help you to connect more quickly with prospects. It will help you to deepen relationships more fully, and ultimately it will improve your marketing and sales.

#1: Reciprocity

[00:08:20] Psychological principle number one, reciprocity.

People naturally feel compelled to give back when they’ve received something of value.

 They almost always feel obligated in some way to return a favor. This is just a natural instinct that we have. If somebody does something for you for no reason and or for for free, then they’re going to remember that and want to do something for you, right?

Examples of Reciprocity In Action

[00:08:50] Some examples of this principle within marketing in general are when people give away free samples, discounts and or coupons, free trials, and even a free resource. What people in the online industry call a lead magnet. And a good example of this would be my client development blueprint. I have a resource that lays out the five main steps for how to build your book of business. And I don’t ask for anything for it other than an email and you get it for free. And there’s lots of great information in there on how to get started to build your own book. It’s the framework I used to build mine. It’s the framework I use with my clients as well.

And it’s free, right? So that is an example of reciprocity in marketing.

And by the way, if you don’t have the client development blueprint, I highly recommend you get it. If you are in the market for building your own book and not sure quite what to do, or maybe you’re doing it and it’s not going as well as you would like, it’s going to give you a whole lot of information for helping you build your actual book of business.

Benefits of Understanding Reciprocity

So the benefits of doing this are the obvious, right? You’re giving something away for free that creates that reciprocity. But why? Why does it make us want to give back? Well, it creates emotional engagement with you and, or your product or service. So when you give something of value to somebody, again, they want to return that favor. So that’s an emotional engagement of oh, this person means it, this person wants to help me. This person or company sometimes is a, they’re a good bird, right?

[00:10:29] Also, it builds trust and credibility, assuming that what you’re putting out there, the advice you’re giving, the information you’re putting out there is good. So let’s say you have a new gummy vitamin and you’re giving away free samples. If they taste horrible, nobody’s gonna want to reciprocate with you because it’s bad. So the product’s gotta be good. Same thing goes for when you give something free that’s service oriented. So my client development blueprint, for example, if it wasn’t any good, people would get it, they’d look at it, they’d throw it in the trash and they’d forget about me, right?

So it’s actually got to be good. But when you do it well, then it’s going to naturally build more trust and credibility because people are going to see, oh, you stand behind things. You’re giving me a peek into how you go about analyzing this issue. How you approach this tricky topic or this tricky struggle that a lot of people run up against. Depends on what you’re giving away, right? It also builds goodwill between the prospect and you.

How To Use Reciprocity as a Lawyer

So when it comes to your legal services, reciprocity is at play when I talk about service-based selling. And again, we’ve had a couple of episodes about service based selling, some of which I talked about, some, there was one where I interviewed a client where we got into that a little bit and then there was a really great interview of an expert on service based selling as well. He and I are very aligned in how we approach sales. So if you haven’t listened to those and you’d like to go further into it, I highly recommend you go back and listen to those episodes. And again, I will put a link in the show. Notes.

[00:12:16] Here’s how you can use this concept of reciprocity in your marketing and sales.

So always think about, well, how can I provide value first? Free insights, free resources, genuine advice.

In your online marketing, let’s say you post occasionally on LinkedIn. This is why thought leadership is so important. You want to put stuff out there that actually aims to educate, not just sell. And let me. I’m going to give you a little note here. I see a lot of law firms, especially the bigger law firms that constantly put quote unquote bulletins out. And it’s usually just a paragraph two or three that’s a quick fix summary of some new regulation law case that impacts a certain type of client.

Most of these are not done very well, I’m just going to say, because there’s really not much information. And there’s a quick this case, this regulation, this thing happened and there’s a little bit about, here’s what it means, but there’s not usually enough in there to connect to the target. If you’re ever putting something out there online, whether it’s a bulletin, whether it’s a LinkedIn post, whatever it is, start to think through, okay, who am I speaking to?

[00:13:38] What do they actually need to know and what do they think they need to know? Because those two things aren’t always the same. And make sure that whatever it is you’re putting out there is clear and concise. It’s not real long, but it’s giving them something of real value. And I do not think real value is, oh, this horrible thing happened and it’s put the market into disarray.

And here’s a quick, quick summary of what happened again. Cause this is what a lot of bulletins do that I’ve seen is this summary of what everybody already know. And contact the lawyers for more. No, give them something real, of real value. Ask how is this actually helping them? How is this information, this, this thing I’m putting out there, how will this help them? Who does this need to help and how can I most help them? What do they need to know? That is what creates the reciprocity, that is what creates the real trust, the real credibility, the know like trust.

When it comes to marketing presentations (like speaking), they want to walk away with some sort of value add. Now this can be as simple as including in your presentation a question they need to go back and ask, a to-do item that they’re clear on, that they need to do something, to think about or check on, something they need not to do. One main lesson they learned, any of that would work.

Also, if you have something that you can actually give them, like a checklist that would help them do the thing, or a quick summary of what they learned that was in the slides, that would be wonderful too.

You want them to walk away with a real value add and think, okay, I learned something here, and I didn’t just learn something, but I can apply it immediately.

Now, when it comes to networking, reciprocity happens when you show up curious and ask really good questions. Questions around their business, questions around their goals and vision, questions about the things they’re troubleshooting, questions about the things they worry about. It will depend on who your client is. It will depend on your industry, it will depend on what’s going on in the industry at the moment. But there are wonderful questions you can ask.

This is something that I help my clients with when they are going to a big networking event, when they are going to a conference, we sit down and we brainstorm through, okay, who’s going to be there? Who do you need to get in front of? What are the conversation? What do they need to know? What might they not need to know? And a lot of this is also based on, have we had prior conversations with these people? What ha. What do we know about them already?

[00:16:24] And what kind of questions that we come up with? What kind of questions do I need to have ready to be asking these people so that I can dig deeper, so that I can open up some possibilities where I can actually give some. Oh, you know, we actually saw that issue come up a couple of months ago with a client and here’s what we found. Or you know, we realized we needed to be doing X or we needed to start asking these following questions or we put a checklist together. Would it be helpful if I sent that to you again? You need to have a value add, right? So a value add starts by asking good questions. It goes with digging deeper and then you give them something, whether it’s a free tip, a piece of advice, something.

Now, caution, when it comes to reciprocity, authenticity matters a lot.

So what does that mean? Don’t be there to give away stuff just so you can get stuff back. You’re giving this to them because you actually care. You care about their business, you care about them. It is really important to target people.

[00:17:32] This is why I think values based business development is so key and why I do this with my clients. You want to be targeting an industry, you want to be targeting a type of company or client. You want to be targeting individuals you actually like. You actually enjoy working with the kind of work you actually want to be doing and that you’re passionate about in some way, shape or form so that you’re showing up in a way where you’re like, look, I know they may never hire me, I would love for them to, but I’m going to help them here and I’m going to give this out for free.

So authenticity really matters here.

Okay, so that was psychological principle number one.

#2: Familiarity

[00:18:13] The second one is familiarity.

So we are wired as human beings to respect and follow credible experts. For lawyers, please note that it’s not just about your title or your credentials. It’s how you demonstrate authority through clarity, confidence and presence. And also it’s about consistency showing up again and again and again. There’s a lot that goes into this. So there’s a couple of additional psychological principles that goes under this.

The Exposure Effect

And one is called the exposure effect. So this is where consistency comes into play. We develop a preference when we’re exposed to something repeatedly. It makes us more familiar with it. We trust it more as a result. So repetition is good. I find a lot of lawyers saying, well, I’ve said this numerous times. I’ve already covered this topic on LinkedIn five times. I don’t need to cover it again. No, you actually do.

That’s how this works. This is why when you are writing on LinkedIn, you want to say the same thing over and over again. Now, not exactly the same way, but you’re often topic talking about a lot of the same principles again and again and again. And that’s totally okay. Same thing goes with speaking. You might have a particular presentation, maybe you have two of them and you go back and forth between them and you keep covering them again and again and again. That’s okay too. People need to hear this stuff over and over and over again. The exposure effect is why.

[00:19:46] Now, let me just note that this only works for you if they like what they’re being exposed to. So again, going back to that gummy earlier, if it tastes bad, they’re not. The more they see it, the more they taste it. They’re not going to like it anymore. So you’ve got to actually be doing good stuff. You’ve got to be, you know, writing about things they care about. You’ve got to be giving them real good educational content that’s helpful to them in the here and now that meets them where they are right now. You’ve got to be talking about things they actually care about and agree with. This does not mean that you should not go out on a limb. Sometimes I think some people think that they worry about.

Well, there’s two different viewpoints on this. Not everybody agrees. So I’m just going to stay quiet. No, you actually want to be honest about where you stand and here’s why. Because the exposure effect is going to repel the people who don’t agree. They’re not great clients for you anyway and going to attract the ones who do agree they are the good clients for you. So don’t utilize this, this to convince you not to say something.

Just remember that it’s also helps you to differentiate yourself.

The Availability Heuristic

[00:21:02] The next one is called the availability heuristic. And really what this means is you’re more likely to remember recent events and use readily available information when making decisions than you are things that were highly impactful but say six months ago as opposed to two weeks ago.

This is because the brain can be pretty lazy. So there’s this phrase, what’s top of mind is tip of the tongue. That’s where this comes from. The lesson for you, showing up consistently with a clear message keeps you top of mind. Now this is not an argument for quantity over quality. You still need good quality. Remember, if they do not like you, this doesn’t work to your benefit, but works in the opposite. So what does this mean for you?

How Lawyers Can Use Familiarity

[00:21:50] Let’s start with networking. This is why follow up is so crucial. It is not enough to have an event with a prospect and follow up two days later, had a great time, and then a week or two later and then go quiet. You have to continually follow up with people.

And I’ve seen this a lot throughout my career. I remember there was a partner I worked with who at one point we had a conversation and she’s like, I just don’t understand how you’re able to bring in so much business. And it was an interesting conversation to say the least. But I finally realized her problem. It was follow up because we worked together at one point to target a particular client and we did a big event for them and we took them to lunches and it was like a good six months, but about six Months in, she’s like, I just, I can’t do this anymore. We have wasted so much time and money and it’s just not worth it. And she was out.

Well, that made no sense because the client was a financial institution. Financial institutions do not change counsel overnight. There’s approval processes. We were still in the mix. We did eventually get their work, but she didn’t because she had given up.

Follow up is crucial, and most lawyers do not follow up enough. We assume we’re bothering people. No, if you follow up correctly, again, apply the reciprocity principle. Helping them with an eye towards curiosity. Not as a salesperson, not to overtly market them, but instead to serve them.

They’re going to remember you.

[00:23:36] This is why you might have a meeting with somebody and they say, oh my gosh, the next case on this that comes in, it’s yours. And six months later that case comes in and you see it and oops, you find out somebody else got it instead of you. It’s not because they were lying to you. They meant it when they said it. But you haven’t followed up in the last six months and somebody else has. And so that person came to mind first.

That is the availability heuristic in action when it comes to networking.

Now, how do you utilize this when it comes to marketing? Well, it’s about consistency. This is why I do not recommend you do everything. I do find that a lot of lawyers are very scattershot. They do a little speaking here, they do a little writing of articles here, then they decide to do some LinkedIn posting and they’re not consistent with any of it. So choose just one to start with and stick with it and be consistent. This builds trust and credibility over time. Also, have brand consistency. What that means is not the colors that you use, not all the things we think of with branding, it’s really about what you talk about, how you talk about it, who you’re talking to. This is why niching is in is so important.

[00:24:50] You don’t know who you’re talking to, you don’t know who to target or how to talk about them. And you are going to be all over the place if you don’t niche in. Okay, so that helps you be more consistent in the branding and how what comes to mind. You want to be the first person they think of when it comes to something. Figure out that something narrow it in and talk about that. You can expand over time, but you got to start somewhere. Don’t put yourself out there as an expert at too many things.

This Is also why niching is important. People don’t trust it. Okay, it might be true, but it’s not trustworthy. If you start with that one thing and you niche in, it’s easier to move into something else that’s complimentary and people will be will believe it more.

This also means that your style, whether it’s speaking, whether it’s writing, whether it’s giving interviews, should be very congruent with how you approach your clients, with how you show up for your clients every single day. Because ultimately your brand is what other people say about you, and that’s how you show up. So you want to show up as you. You want that to be very congruent. That creates a very consistent brand over time.

And I talked about this a little bit already, but you want to be distinctive. You want to show up with your own style, your own point of view, make your point of view clear, be willing to stand out and be consistent with that as well.

So the balance here is to build authority without seeming arrogant. You want to position yourself as knowledgeable and approachable. This is also where storytelling comes into play really well that I’ve covered before, and I will. If you haven’t heard that, it’s a really good episode when it comes to how to figure out what stories to tell, how to tell them, and why to do this. And you want to do this in your marketing a lot. And you can also utilize it within your networking as well. And really what I mean by storytelling is when you’re asking questions, when you’re giving tips and advice, if you’ve got a real life experience related to it, you say, okay, so for example, and you give them the example. So familiarity, it builds trust. Another aspect that I think really builds that trust and improves the familiarity is social proof.

[00:27:18] So people look to others when making decisions, especially when it’s uncertain for them. So this is also where testimonials, case studies, referrals, and thought leadership comes into play. It helps to create that trust, that credibility.

So the key is to show, don’t tell. Let others’ experiences speak for you. So how does that work when it comes to your marketing examples? Again, storytelling, it naturally showcases that you’ve helped others, what you’ve helped others with, how you’ve helped them. And then it also showcases your approach, your style, in a way that’s very authentic. Okay. Testimonials are also a really big deal if you can get them. And I know not everybody does, and at the bigger firms we often don’t. But this is where case studies come into play, where you go more into a deep dive of here’s something I see all the time with a lot of clients in this industry, and you get real specific about a set of facts. Again, you don’t have to give the real life facts. You can take all of the things you’ve seen and, like, come up with the case study. That can be really, really powerful. And you can utilize that in your article writing. You can utilize that on LinkedIn. You can also utilize that in your presentations.

#3: Fear/Scarcity

[00:28:39] Okay, so we’ve covered two of the three. Let’s get into the third. And the third is really about scarcity or fear.

Fear is really, really powerful, y’all. And this is one that I feel like lawyers don’t utilize enough because we feel like this is the stuff that sounds icky, sleazy, slimy. No. And here’s why. You just gotta do it the right way.

FOMO & FOBO

[00:29:08] So one of the biggest fears that people have is the fear of missing out. Right? Fomo. And there’s also something called fobo, the fear of being out done. So people place higher value on things that feel limited or exclusive. That’s what leads to fomo. Don’t want to miss out. And people also don’t like being outdone. I don’t want to do it wrong.

And this is where that famous newspaper adage comes from. If it bleeds, it reads. So this is about that negativity bias in our brains and just how the brain works.

The negativity bias causes us to respond more emotionally to negative events, to negative risk and possibilities, than to positive one. This is why when we are in a situation as human beings that feels untenable, we still might not make a change because we avoid risk. We are worried about the future, the unknown. And it’s better to stay with the devil you do know than the devil you don’t. Right?

So, again, these principles are very powerful, but they must be used honestly and ethically.

How To Use FOMO + FOBO In Your Business Development

[00:30:21] So how do you use these in your marketing and networking? Well, highlight the losses more than the gains. Showcase the full ripple effect of what could happen should they not do the thing you’re trying to tell them they need to do. Show what the client or prospect is missing out on by not doing or adopting something. That’s the fobo. What if I’m doing it wrong? And fear of missing out. What if others are doing it right and I’m missing out on something?

Highlight how others might be outdoing them by following advice you’re giving. So that comes into play with examples and that goes really well. If A, A versus B, client A didn’t follow my advice, here’s the ripple effect client B did. Yes, it’s more costly up front, but here was the ripple effect. So actually this saved them at the end of the day, right?

 In online marketing, in articles, even at the beginning of your speech, lead with the negative, hook them in.

This gets people listening to the rest of the story. When you lead like you throw them in the middle of the worst case scenario, well, they want to know, oh, how do I avoid that? That sounds horrible. And that sounds like I could end up there too. So I need to figure out how to avoid that.

These are minor things. So what I see a lot in articles, in presentations, in, even on LinkedIn, I see a lot of facts. I see a lot of you need to do the following. Okay, don’t start with that. Start with a situation they could find themselves in. That’s the negative that will hook them in and get them actually reading. And there’s nothing wrong with that because it’s real. It’s a real risk that you’re trying to get them to pay attention to. So lead with it.

What this means for you is you need to understand your clients and your prospects. Pain points, what do they fear the most? What keeps them up at night and why? So that you can utilize this in your marketing and also when you’re speaking to them and when you’re selling to them in an actual pitch.

[00:32:33] The other thing I would say that helps a lot is to use their language.

So pay attention to how you know the terminology that’s used within your industry, to how a particular client speaks, what they say, and utilize that a little bit. Instead of what we lawyers typically do is we tend to speak in legal speak. That’s not going to connect with them at all. And utilizing getting away from the legal speak in the way you would say it and saying it the way they would say it helps bridge a connection point. It makes them think, oh my gosh, they’re listening to me. Oh my gosh, they actually understand me. This is an ethical and honest way to showcase that you’re there for them because you’re using real stories, you’re showcasing real problems and consequences that you want to help save them from.

Now just note, you gotta use this responsibly, okay? Scarcity and fear should reflect genuine constraints, not manufactured pressure. So this isn’t about artificial urgency, it’s about highlighting real scarcity, limited capacity, high demand, time sensitive legal matters, real risk of loss. Should they not do whatever it is they need to be doing, okay?

Loss Aversion

[00:33:53] The other aspect of fear is what’s called loss aversion. So humans are wired to avoid loss more than they’re motivated by potential gains.

And the pain of actually losing something is much more powerful psychologically than the pleasure of gaining something when we’re thinking forward, when it’s not real yet. Which honestly makes sense when you think about it. Again, this is why so many of us stay put in a miserable situation. Devil you do know is better than the devil you don’t know, right?

So your framing really does matter.

How To Use Loss Aversion In Business Development Activities

[00:34:29] What this means for you is highlighting what’s at risk if legal issues are not addressed, not just the benefits. We often tend to lead with the benefits, highlight the risk, highlight the ripple effect. So, for example, here’s what could happen if this contract isn’t airtight. Here’s what’s easily missed when not represented by an attorney to draft or negotiate this agreement. What could they lose? How bad could it be? Is it money? Is it time? Is it energy? Is it their business as a whole? Is it their brand? What is it?

Selling isn’t about pushing people into decisions. It’s about removing barriers so that they can make the right decision.

The power of psychology that I’ve taught you today isn’t for the purpose of getting a yes, by the way.

It’s for the purpose of creating an environment where the right client feels confident about the yes they want to make. Before I leave you, I’m going to ask you a question. As you think through these principles, which one do you most naturally use already in conversations and didn’t even realize you did give yourself a hand for that? I am certain there’s something that you already do. We all intuitively do a little bit of this to some extent.

[00:35:50] Ask yourself, well, how can I leverage that even more? Because that already feels good to you. Start there and then ask a second question. Which one could you lean into more? All right, that’s it for this week. We will be back next week. Bye for now.